Renewing Myself

Start out strong each morning. While my stamina may be suspect, my quest for a "normal" life continues...

It's Friday, July 30, 2010, and I've been frozen in fear the past three days. Absolutely scared to death that I'm going to screw up Disney job as well as credit when I can't pay Amex bill.

Two problems rearing their head again - perfection and finances.

One step, project, list, etc. at a time :)

Daily

Would be nice to write every day - even if it's just a few lines.

Today's about listening - what other folks have to say. Perhaps I can learn more about myself via others.

Meditated twice today for five minutes each - helps relax me and provides perspective. Ten-minute massage didn't hurt either.

Gratitude & Another Frickin' Growth Opportunity

Be grateful for the opportunity to face fear (and the reality) of financial insecurity - perhaps my greatest challenge in sobriety - one task, one minute at a time.

Ground myself in the knowledge that I can do this, with the help of friends, family and detachment from expectations, placing myself firmly in the present and relishing each moment, good and bad. Whether I want to or not, it's time for extreme growth. What can I learn from this period - about myself and others?

Intermittent Posts

First titled this blog, "olm's daily musings," but had to change due to my inconsistent writing. Really a metaphor for much of my life... starting and stopping...

Still, life is good, perhaps the best it's been in sobriety. Coming up on 25 years, a job interview next week at a respected entertainment company and mostly enjoying each moment of every day to the fullest. As long as I stay in the now and put forth my best effort, things seems to be taken care of.

Rejoicing in the Purity of My Deeds

No, I'm not being magnanimous! Just read Beliefnet's Buddhist post for today and this really resonated with me. It's not that I'm perfect or holy but am content with giving my best effort through completely immersing myself in the present, without regard for the end result.

When I remember to do this, all is good.

Passion and Adrenaline

Heard a young man discuss his first drug: adrenaline. It then dawned on me that it was mine as well. I was addicted to sports at a young age. My first hero was Sandy Koufax, the Hall of Fame pitcher with the Los Angeles Dodgers and one of the great players of all time. I was often transfixed by Vin Scully's voice each summer as Koufax and his fellow Blue Crew members a series of pennant drives in the mid 60s. I gained much of my self worth through a symbiotic connection with victories of local professional and college sports teams and was lucky to witness (both in person or via radio/TV) some of the top organizations in history compete in playoffs and/or championship games: Dodgers, Lakers, LA Rams and UCLA Bruins (in those days, both the basketball and football teams were stellar).

Funny how I feel like a little kid recently. Adrenaline is still addictive but something more substantial has replaced it: passion. Look forward to waking daily and exploring things which I truly love: music, technology, politics, pr/marketing and reconnecting with old friends. Really appreciate the time and flexibility to stretch myself beyond just the workaday world which had completely consumed me. Beginning to breathe and see myriad possibilities and that gives me hope...